Thirteenth

Why the hell would he do that? She wanted to scream and cry and throw herself on the ground like child. Her hands shook as the water ran over them turning them red. The steam stung her eyes while her breath hitched. Left over right. Right over left. She moved her hands in a circle exactly twelve times then paused, leaving her hands under the water.

“One-Two-Three-Four-Five-Six-Seven-Eight-Nine-Ten-Eleven-Twelve.”

She then slid her palms against each other. Back then forth twelve times before pausing.

“One-Two-Three-Four-Five-Six-Seven-Eight-Nine-Ten-Eleven-Twelve.”

Repeat, eleven more times. She turned the faucet off, then on, then off again twelve times just as she had when turning it on. But only after she had rubbed her hands dry with a towel. Rebecca took a slow steadying breath and stared at the back of her hand.

“It’s all in your head. It’s all in your head.” Her lip trembled as she stared at the tiny microscopic bacteria she could see crawling across her skin. With a pitiful frustrated cry she turned to the sink and turned it on then off then on again twelve times before repeating her washing process. She could feel tears prickling her eyes and forced them to stay back. If they escaped makeup would smear her face. Long lines of black gunk would cake her cheeks. The thought forced a choked sob from her mouth but the tears stayed in her eyes where they belonged.

Standing back after neatly folding the towel again she stared intently at the back of her hand. It was red and shaking but thankfully she could not see anything on it. She couldn’t feel it either. Slowly she turned back to the sink.

“It’s all in your head Becky! All in your head!”

“Don’t call me that!” Rebecca slammed her palm flatly against the mirror. The medicine cabinet door opened and a bottle of pills walked off the shelf. It hit the sink and pills scattered around her feet.

“Now we’re dirty. Now we’re dirty!” They mocked her with glee. “Now what are you going to do Becky?”

“Yeah Becky? Now what?” The woman in the mirror smirked at her. “It’s all in your head Becky. Just pick them up and put them back in the bottle.

“Take us home Becky! Take us home!” The pills squeals echoed down the hall behind Rebecca as she ran away from them. Her hands clamped over her ears and makeup smearing down her cheeks. She let out a frustrated cry as she unlocked her door twelve times. She stepped out the door then back in then back out twelve times before she could pull it closed behind her and lock it twelve times. She struggled to get the key into the lock as her vision blurred. The keys laughed at her struggle as the tinny bacteria began moving on the door. Determined to get to her. To touch her.

Rebecca ran down the stairs. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Jump down the last two. Rebecca needed to get to the door where she would be waiting to meet her.

Rebecca led Jake down the hall with a large smile. The toddler stumbled behind her with his eyes comically wide while struggling to keep up. “Come on Jakey. Momma and Daddy are bringing the new baby home today! You want to see it don’t you?”

Jake tripped over the rug in the foyer and nearly pulled his older sister down. Rebecca turned and hoisted him back to his feet while bouncing in place while waiting for the door to open. Her excitement was contagious and it wasn’t long before Jake forgot all about falling down and began jumping with her. By the time their parents came through the door they were seeing who could jump the highest.

“Meet your baby sister.” Their mother knelt on the ground for the two to see. “Her name is Sally.”

“Geerl?” Jake wrinkled his nose at the infant who blinked up at them. Jake tipped his head back when a large hand fell on his head with a pout.

“Cheer up Scout. You and Becky are the big kids now. Ya gotta take care of the girls.”

She paused outside the apartment one floor below hers and began pounding on the door. More tears fell from her eyes while the germs rushed to join the germs already coating her hand.

“Hold your horses. God damn what is-Rebecca?” The smaller woman stumbled slightly when Rebecca rushed past her. “Hey! Hey wait! What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty.” Rebecca took a deep breath just as Sally came up to the door. “One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve.”

Sally watched the other woman for a moment as steam rose out of the bathroom sink. She kept repeating the word dirty then counting to twelve while washing her hands in the pattern she had for years.

Sally lifted her head when she heard the heavy footsteps racing down the hall. Jake slid around the corner into the waiting room with a wild panicked look in his eyes. Sally felt the tears she had just vanquished begin to well up again and rushed into his arms. Jake held her close while whispering assurances into her ear.

“He killed her…he…he finally did it.” Sally stood back and whipped at her eyes with her sleeve until Jake pressed a cloth into her hand. “He finally snapped.”

“And Becky?” Jake stuck his hands deeply into his pockets as guilt began to build in his chest for not being home to protect them.

“She…she saw the whole thing and he…I don’t know what he did to her. They haven’t told me.” Sally turned her eyes to Jake with a soft sniff. “We’ll all be okay right?”

Jake reached out to clip her under the chin with a forced smile. “Of course we’ll all be okay. We’re all in it together after all.”

She opened her mouth to ask what happened when another knock at her front door drew her attention.

“Give me a moment!” Sally called over her shoulder before turning her attention to Rebecca. “I’ll be right back okay? Then you can tell me what happened?”

Rebecca nodded her head but her attention was focused on the germs on her hands. She had to get them off so she could get the others off her face. Sally’s sigh barely registered while being drowned out by the woman in the mirror mocking her and the sound of the tinny little monsters crawling all over her hands and the laughing of the comb that wasn’t lying right on the counter. It wiggled as if to emphasize that it wasn’t aligned with the edge.

***

Sally opened the door to see Jake standing on the other side with a deep frown on his face. “She’s here.”

“I figured.” Jake stepped in and opened his hand to reveal the prescription pill bottle. “She ran past me when I got off the elevator. I don’t think she even saw me.”

“Something has her upset.” Sally crossed her arms and glared at him.

“Because she hasn’t been taking these.” Jake shook the bottle.

“How do you know?”

“Because I went into her apartment to see what was wrong.” Jake’s eyes flashed angrily down at the woman half his size. “They were scattered on the floor. Guess how many she did take?”

Sally turned away. Jake gestured to the hall when they heard Rebecca say the final number. “It was a traumatizing event. You can’t really expe-“

“I’m perfectly aware of what happened!” Slammed the bottle onto the table by the door. “But something has to be done!”

“She just needs time. She’s improving.”

“Improving? Sal! What world are you living in?” Jake ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “She skips the thirteenth step. She has to do everything in sets of twelve. She can’t even take the thirteenth pill!”

“She agreed to go out with the guy from one of her classes. They went out for coffee this morning.” Sally stomped her foot. “That’s something.”

“It would be great if it didn’t send her off the deep end.”

“She’s not gone off the deep end! She’s just upset. Her makeup was smeared. That’d upset any girl.” Sally offered a half smile.

“Sal.”

“I’m clean.” Rebecca stood in the door way rocking on her heels. Twelve rocks, pause, count to twelve, rock twelve times, pause, and so on. She blinked twelve times at Jake. “I didn’t know you had company. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine Rebecca. Jake saw you come here and was worried.” Sally shot a deadly look to Jake, daring him to argue with her. Jake crossed his arms stubbornly.

“Jake doesn’t need to worry about me.” Rebecca’s hands were rubbing in time with the rocks.

“Really? When was the last time you took one of your pills?” Jake felt a muscle twitch in his jaw when she refused to meet his glare. “Damn it! You know better. You’re gonna end up like mom, Becky!”

Rebecca slammed her hands over her ears. “NO! DON’T CALL ME THAT!”

“Hey! Hey! Rebecca it’s okay! It’s okay!” Sally rushed forward before the other woman could hit her head against the walls. Holding the other woman who sobbed and tried to pull away Sally glared at the man who shrunk under her fury. “Damn you Jake! You know better!”

“I didn’t mean-“

“Anything by it? Didn’t think?” Sally lost her grip on Rebecca who bolted back to the bathroom screaming about dirt again. “Dad never did either! Just go before you say something else to make it worse!”

Jake flinched, his head going down in shame as memories surfaced.

Rebecca ducked below the bottle as it shattered above her head raining down glass and whisky. She carefully sunk to her knees and began picking up the shards and blinking back the tears while telling herself that she was okay.

“Stupid bitch. No good. No good at all.” Her father sneered at her with blood shot eyes before walking down the hall towards the living room.

“Becky,” Jake and Sally slowly pushed their way out of their hiding spot. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Rebecca offered a weak smile. “Really. He’s all talk.”

“Momma has a bruise on her cheek.” Sally whispered while clinging tightly to Jake’s pant leg.

“Momma fell.”

“Is she sick?” Jake’s voice was soft while he grabbed a dish towel to help clean the mess.

Rebecca paused for a moment, glancing towards her brother and sister. Sally trembled slightly while picking up large shards of glass and Jake’s lip trembled while he soaked up the foul smelling brew.

“She’s not sick.” Rebecca turned back to the task at hand. “She’s just…”

“Fucked in the head.” Jake finished.

“Jake! Don’t say that!” Rebecca pointed a finger at him.

“Dad says it…”

“And you’re better than him. You’re not going to be like him understand?” Rebecca glared at the boy who nodded slowly. “You’ll be better. You will show him the men in this family aren’t cursed because you will be a better man than he could have ever dreamed of being.”

“I really didn’t mean to upset her,” Jake whispered. “I just want her to go back to the way she used to be when we were growing up.”

Sally sighed as she heard the sound of the shower being turned on and off then on again twelve times. She ran a hand down her face but her glare lessened. “I do too but that might never happen Jake. Ever.”

The two stood in silence for a long moment. Jake picked up the pill bottle. “I better go put this away.”

“Leave it.” Sally pulled the bottle from his hands. “I’ll tell her you went and got a new prescription. Try to get her to take some more.”

“Doubt she’ll trust them coming from me.”

“She knows you’re not dad. She may see him when she looks at you but she knows you’re not.”

“Doubt that.” Jake mumbled.

Sally wrapped her arms around Jake’s neck in a tight embrace. “She does. We love you.”

“I love you too sis. Call me if you need help.” Jake released his tight grip on the youngest and quietly shut the door behind him.

***

Rebecca stepped out of the shower twelve times before wrapping the towel around her body. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to remember.

Rebecca entered the house quietly while leaving her shoes in the hall closet. A sudden crash had her head jerking up and her coat falling to the ground as she raced towards the stairs calling for her mother and sister. Jake wouldn’t be home for another three days and her father should still be at work. Rebecca wanted it to be a home invasion but as her feet hit the stairs and she raced up them she knew what would greet her.

Her lower lip trembled as she looked down at her discarded cloths. Anything to push the memories from her head. Anything to keep the demons at bay, even if it meant being tormented by the microscopic monsters.

“Come on Becky. It’s time to get dressed.” Their laughter was cruel as they taunted her with their germ filled fibers. “Can’t run around naked now can ya?”

Rebecca’s breath hitched as she fought not to let the tears come again. Her head jerked up sharply when there was a soft knock on the door.

“Hey.” Sally stuck her head through the door and offered a small smile. “I went and got you a clean change of clothes. I even wore gloves.”

A broken sob left Rebecca’s lips as she accepted the clothing from the plastic coated hands. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”

***

Sally slowly stirred sugar into her coffee while waiting for Rebecca to come out of the bathroom. She would need to put on, take off, then put on each article of clothing twelve times before finally leaving them on. Rebecca would be starting with her socks then working her way up until she could brush her hair, twelve stroke intervals, and counting to twelve between each clothing piece and stroke pattern. Hearing the count of twelve before Rebecca entered the kitchen Sally forced a smile on her face and turned.

“Hey! Want some coffee?” Sally held up her mug briefly before taking a sip. “Your own cup of course.”

Rebecca watched Sally take a drink as the cup taunted her when the woman only drank once then waited for Rebecca to respond. Rebecca liked coffee but already the coffee pot was telling her all the possible things Sally could have done that were simply wrong and all the bacteria that could be crawling around on it. Waiting for her to succumb and take its elixir which would then deliver the tinny crawling creatures to her internal organs.

“No.” Rebecca turned away. “I should go home.”

“Wait.” Sally picked up the bottle of pills off the counter, careful to keep the label from facing Rebecca. “Jake went and got you a new prescription.”

Rebecca stared at the bottle for a moment. “Why?”

“Because he loves you silly.” Sally laughed and shook the bottle. “You should take one now?”

“No. I will go tomorrow and refill.” Rebecca couldn’t take those. She didn’t know if the pharmacist wore gloves before handing them to Jake. She knew Jake hadn’t because he wouldn’t think of something like that. And Sally wasn’t wearing any now. The tinny monsters were crawling all over the bottle already.

“Rebecca-“ Sally finally sighed and sat the bottle down. “Okay fine. You win. No pills. But what happened on your coffee date? Come on give me all the juicy details!”

Rebecca wrinkled her nose at the image while scratching at her hand. Twelve scratches. Count to twelve. “Too juicy.”

“Too juicy?”

“That’s how it was.”

“It was a juice date? Please tell me you ate dates too.”

“I got coffee.”

“That’s great! You let someone else make your coffee that’s really a mile sto-“

“I didn’t drink it.” Rebecca looked down at the floor, ashamed to admit she hadn’t been able to ignore the monsters crawling on the cup.

“So he got you juice?”

“No. We talked. Then I left.”

“Then why was it juicy?”

“He…he,” Rebecca’s nose wrinkled with disgust. “He kissed my hand.”

“Oh.” Sally scratched at her cheek absently. If it was one of her girlfriends at work it would have been cute but she knew for Rebecca it would have been horrifying.

“There was…was-“ Rebecca gagged at the memory. “Spit. On my hand. And germs. And bacteria from his mouth. On. My. HAND!” Rebecca’s lip trembled. “I tried. I’m really sorry I tired I just couldn’t…couldn’t they were crawling on my hand! They were telling me horrible diseases they were going to give me and-“

“Shhh! It’s okay. It’s okay.” Sally reached for Rebecca but paused before touching, her hands hovering just above. “It’s okay. Next time will be better.”

“Better. I want to be better.” Rebecca wrapped her arms tightly around her body as her lower lip trembled. “I don’t want to be sick.”

“Do you want a pill?” Sally asked hopefully grabbing the bottle and holding it out to Rebecca whose eyes widened. Sally glanced down and realized she hadn’t turned the label away. Rebecca started to hyperventilate as she stared at the paper. “Rebecca? Rebecca calm down. Breath. I don’t want to touch you but if you don’t calm down I’m going to have to.”

“Jake got those. Jake went into my home. He went into my home! He let the bacteria into my home!” Rebecca wasn’t calming down even slightly.

“No he didn’t Rebecca. He kept them away.” Sally wondered if she would have to call Jake to help her restrain Rebecca. “Just like when we were little. Remember the monster under the bed? He chased them away too.”

“They don’t listen. They don’t listen. They just want to get me.” Rebecca shook her head and clamped her hands over her ears while shaking her head. All around her the walls laughed. Telling her they would have let the bacteria in if they could have. Rebecca screamed as she fell to her knees while trying to block out the sounds of everything around her laughing. She forgot to start counting when she started screaming and was afraid to stop without knowing what number she was on.